Is staying with friends in China an imposition?

Does anyone have experience staying with friends in China?

We%26#39;re planning our first trip to China. We have Chinese friends there who have stayed with us in our home in the United States. For years they have been urging us to just hop on a plane to China and stay with them.

Now a US tour advisor warns us that due to our lack of understanding of issues of obligation and face in Chinese culture, we may be creating problems for our friends. He suggests that our visit may help balance some obligations they assumed by their visits to us, and it may enhance their prestige in their community. But, he also warns that:

Part of their extended family may have to move out of their apartment to make room for us!

They may insist on spending more than they can afford to feed and entertain us, and not allow us to pay for meals, tickets and travel while visiting them! (They are successful professionals, but not wealthy.)

Is there any way for us to assess these culturally sensitive issues before finalizing our travel plans and without offending our friends? (They speak fair English but our conversations sometimes wind up in mysterious cul-de-sacs. And we%26#39;re not sufficiently intimate to simply ask these questions directly.)

We%26#39;re thinking of at least asking how many rooms are in their apartment and how many family members live there. And maybe try to assess their work schedules.

Any advice is appreciated! We have enjoyed our times with this family in their several visits to the US, and were really looking forward to visiting with them in China.

Is staying with friends in China an imposition?

It is rare for a Chinese family to have a spare room at home, nor a basement where one can put down a sleeping bag.

I would book a hotel room nevertheless, visit them at home, and if you feel fine then move in later. Of course they like to return the favor and show off their success in their circle. But I would feel freer as a tourist to go about without hindrance.

Is staying with friends in China an imposition?

Your tour advisor was right. Wonder if s/he is Chinese :) A Chinese family will vacate a bedroom (even one for the son, for example) for you, if there isn%26#39;t already a spare room. As mentioned by previous poster, it%26#39;s rare to have sapre rooms.

It%26#39;s quite rude within the context of discussing whether to stay with them, to ask how many rooms they have, and # of people in the family. You can ask the question when you%26#39;re talking about something else.

A Chinese host will typically say ';Come stay with us, we have x number of spare rooms'; or ';My son has moved out, lots of space';, if that is the case, when he makes the offer.

And I agree with previous poster%26#39;s suggestion for your course of action.

I think those are good responses. You indicate %26#39;mysterious cul-de-sacs%26#39; and that suggests you are not at a place where you should be staying at their house.

Even not staying with your friends, it is best not to let them do too much for you--your acceptance may imply a stronger level of friendship than you want. And friendship in China has financial strings that we absolutely do not have in the U.S!

Keep in mind that good hosts in China offer you everything repeatedly. It is hard for Americans to keep refusing, but the polite things to do is to refuse everything a few times. You should refuse to stay at your friends house, they should insist, you should refuse, they should insist, you refuse. They might gratefully bow out and accept your refusal at this point, or they might continue until they are sure you really have other plans.

This applies to paying for meals and other things. Politeness dictates that everyone offer to pay for everything. Make sure to insist on paying for some things and that there is some balance. You have to let them pay sometimes, too.

People who know English often will follow a more Western style, and accept your refusal at face value, but not always.

I agree with all the previous replies.

May I add that your Chinese friends consider themselves the hosts and would go out their way to take your around, take you out to eat, pay for all kinds of expenses and generally end up paying more than maybe they could afford just not to lose face and to make you feel welcome.

I agree that you should not stay with them,it is a great inconveneince for them. But visit them and it is important to bring a gift for them . It does not have to be expensive, but it is impolite not to bring one. Something they cannot buy in China would be good. If they have small children, dont%26#39; forget to bring something for them.

When your hosts ask you what you would like to eat or where to go, do try to pick inexpensive places as they will fight to pay to the point of grabbing the bill, its a cultural thing. Try to insist on paying for some.

Other than the above, just be yourself and enjoy your friends!